Tales of a Dangerous Black Widow

Eww. It was so gross. I was in my back yard, cleaning off a play roller coaster, so I could take it to a BBQ tonight.
And, when I flipped the piece of plastic over, out came this HUGE HUGE HUGE Black WIDOW! So I tried to drown it. I sprayed it and I sprayed it--but it wouldn't DIE! It just kept moving in the water. It was SO gross.



So then I ran in my house (terrified) and grabbed a jar. [Previously in my life my brother and I have caught a black widow in a jar and suffocated it.] So I tried to catch it in the jar, but I just couldn't get it! I could NOT get it to go in the jar. (It was still, curled in a ball. It *looked* dead.)



But then it climbed up on the side of the jar and went towards my hand. I dropped it and screamed. It started climbing around in the grass. So I took the jar in my hand, brought it down and smashed that baby! I smashed it over and over and over again!
Then I soaked it thoroughly with the hose and smashed it some more.
It disappeared and I don't know if it's dead, and I have no idea where it went.
Ewww. I am going to die. It is going to eat me in my sleep and I am going to die.